


Charles and Fabian

by kakkakerssi



Series: Charles and Fabian [3]
Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-18
Updated: 2019-12-10
Packaged: 2021-02-12 17:24:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 14,357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21480085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kakkakerssi/pseuds/kakkakerssi
Summary: The life and adventures of Charles and Fabian. They've been dating for three years and nobody knows about their relationship except Charles's younger brother Arthur, and Charles's friend Daniel Ricciardo. Chapter 1 is just after Sebastian finds out, and we take things from there. They go through some dark times, but eventually good times will come too.
Relationships: Charles Leclerc/Fabian Vettel
Series: Charles and Fabian [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1548139
Comments: 64
Kudos: 114





	1. "You've got to make this right"

**Author's Note:**

> Here it is then. Chapter 1 of what will be a much longer piece about Charles and Fabian and the ups and downs of their relationship. I'm very much open to feedback and suggestions on what you'd like to see in the future. There will be sadness (but I promise, no death!)

Sebastian dried up the last mug and returned it to its home in the cupboard, before pulling the tea towel through one of the cupboard handles and turning off the kitchen light. He loved racing, but more that that, he loved being at home with his family and doing normal things. He'd landed back from Brazil on Monday afternoon and had to go to Maranello on Thursday morning. That gave him two days at home with his family - long enough to get some laundry done and see how big his children were now, but not long enough to head up to Germany to see Fabian and confont him about his relationship with Charles.

Sebastian made his way into the living room, where Hanna was quietly watching the TV. Their daughters were tucked up in their beds, fast asleep, and Sebastian and Hanna had a couple of hours before they'd head to bed as well. Hanna was sitting at one end of the sofa, her legs straight out in front of her and her feet on the edge of the coffee table. Sebastian curled up next to her, one arm along the back of the sofa and with his other hand, he placed it on top of Hanna's pregnancy bump.

"The baby was kicking so much on Sunday," Hanna remarked, placing her hand on top of Sebastian's and squeezing it lovingly. "I think we were both worried when your tyre exploded."

"I don't want to talk about Sunday," Sebastian replied gently, cuddling closer to Hanna and kissing her forehead. "The whole thing was a mess. Can I ask you something?"

"Sure, anything."

"Did you know that Fabian is gay?" Sebastian asked, pulling back a little bit to meet Hanna's gaze. "You talk to him a lot these days, right?"

"I don't know if he's gay, exactly," Hanna replied, "but I know he has a boyfriend. I told him he doesn't have to pick any label if he doesn't want to. I don't know that I'd describe myself as 100% heterosexual, you know? And yeah, I talk to him, but mostly just about the kids. He dotes on them so much, and I send him a lot of photos."

"You knew he has a boyfriend? How long have you known?"

"Since he was down here visiting in the summer. I think it was their anniversary in August or something."

"Jesus, Hanna," Sebastian sighed. "Why didn't you tell me all of this? I have a right to know what's going on with my little brother."

"And _he_ has a right to his privacy," Hanna replied, shrugging. "I'd tell you if I thought he was in danger or something, but he's not. He seems quiet happy with his boyfriend, whoever he is."

"His boyfriend is Charles, my fucking team-mate!" Sebastian could feel the anger from Sunday night bubbling up again.

"Keep your voice down, Seb!" Hanna hissed, shoving Sebastian's arm away from her. "You'll wake the whole house up. I didn't know Fabian was dating Charles. I'm sorry."

"No, I'm sorry," Sebastian retreated quickly, lowering his tone and folding his hands in his lap. "I overheard Charles on the phone with Fabian at the airport, and when I spoke to Fabian on the phone, he didn't say a thing about it."

"So they don't know you know?"

"No, they know," Sebastian said, frowning. "I asked Charles how long they'd been together, and he told me, three years."

"What else did Charles say?"

"Nothing," Sebastian said. "I left him in tears in the lounge."

"Oh, Seb," Hanna said disapprovingly. "You're an asshole sometimes."

"I know," Sebastian replied, reaching up and rubbing his eyes in frustration. "I didn't know what to say at the time. I was sick of the sight of him. He ruined my afternoon and then I found out he's been dating my brother and lying about it?! What was I _supposed_ to say?!"

"You've got to make this right," Hanna said, reaching for Sebastian's hands, pulling them away from his face. "If they both know you know and neither of them have said anything to you about it yet, and you had Charles crying in the airport and you just left him like that, you've got to fix this. You've got to make this better."

"You're right," Sebastian said, admitting defeat. "I'll call them tomorrow."

"Why not now? It's only nine. Fabian will still be awake."

"And what do I say to him?"

"Maybe try listening for once," Hanna replied. "Maybe he has something to say to you. Go and call him now. I'll go upstairs and keep the bed warm." She carefully pushed herself up off the sofa, one arm wrapped around her bump as she grabbed Sebastian's phone from the kitchen and tossed it over the phone to him. "He's your brother. He's done nothing wrong. Call him right now and fix this."

"Thank you," Sebastian mumbled, unlocking his phone and finding his message conversation with Fabian. He knew a few things he wanted to say but he didn't know where to start. He didn't want to upset Fabian or cause an argument, but he also wanted to know how Fabian could lie about this for so long and why Fabian hadn't felt comfortable coming to Sebastian immediately when he'd got a boyfriend or realised he had feelings for men. Had Sebastian really been that unapproachable? Maybe he had. Maybe moving to Switzerland and going racing for 20 weeks a year had told Fabian he wasn't worthy of Sebastian's time and attention anymore. 

Sebastian pressed the video icon to initiate a video call with Fabian and he sat back on the sofa, knees hugged to his chest and his phone resting on top of them. Please don't hate me; I'm sorry I've been a shitty brother.


	2. "I've only ever wanted you to be proud of me."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sebastian calls Fabian and the two of them have a heart-to-heart discussion about life, the world, and the universe.

In his bedroom in his parents' house in Heppenheim, Fabian was sprawled sideways in his gaming chair, cuddling a mug of tea in his lap, his gaze fixed on his computer on the desk. He had his headphones in and was watching on board videos from Interlagos. It looked so much steeper than the normal TV cameras made it look, and Fabian imagined how much the forces would pull on his body as he dragged up the hill to the start/finish line. Sebastian and Charles had been lucky that they'd collided in a straight line on a level piece of track - if Pierre and Lewis had have made contact, it surely would have been a plane crash.

A notification appeared in the corner of his computer screen - new facetime call from Sebastian. Groaning, Fabian let go of his mug with his right hand and nudged his mouse, first pausing the video and then answering the call. He tried his best to make a plain expression as the call connected, his thoughts torn between "why has it taken you so long to call me?" and "fuck off."

"Hey. Am I interrupting?" Sebastian's voice was gentle, and he seemed like he genuinely cared if he was interrupting or not.

"No, it's good." Fabian lifted his mug to show Sebastian. "Just drinking tea and watching on boards from Brazil. That run up the hill to the finish looks pretty intense."

"It really is," Sebastian explained. "You get your foot down right at the bottom of the hill and you don't brake until you get to turn one. It's even worse with DRS - a couple of times I could actually feel my lunch wanting to come back up."

Fabian smirked. "Sounds delightful. So did you want to talk to me about something, or did Hanna make you call me?"

"Hanna made me call you," Sebastian replied honestly. "But, she's right. I should have called you sooner. Hell, I probably should have just driven up to see you."

"No, you did the right thing by staying in Switzerland," Fabian said, taking another sip of his tea and burning his tongue. "I mean, I do want to see you, just, not yet. Things are hard right now. I feel like complete shit but I don't think I have anything to apologise for."

"I'm the one who needs to apologise. I don't want you to feel like shit, Fabian. I just feel like I don't know you anymore, you know?"

"No, I don't know!" Fabian snapped, sitting upright in his chair and slamming his mug down on the table, some of the tea spilling over the edge. "I'm still me, I've always been me, the only difference is now _you_ know that I have a boyfriend. That's your problem to deal with, not mine. It's not my fault if you can't handle it."

Sebastian forced himself to take a slow breath, not meeting Fabian's level of anger. He didn't want this to be a shouting match. He wanted to reconnect with his younger brother. "I'm sorry."

There was a long silence before Fabian finally responded. "I was going to tell you about Charles. I wanted to wait until after the end of the season. I know this year has been intense for you; I didn't want to distract you. I wanted you to be free to focus on your driving and not on what your team-mate does away from the track. And after Brazil... I didn't want to give you more reasons to hate Charles. But I promise I was going to tell you." Fabian fidgeted and his gaze fell down to his desk. "You're my brother and I care too much about what you think of me."

"I don't hate Charles," Sebastian said reassuringly. "I think he's a nice guy, actually. What happened on Sunday was a mess, but I certainly don't hate Charles for it. Shit happens. We move on. I'm sorry I made you feel like you couldn't talk to me about this. I want to listen to you; I want to hear about everything that's been going on. Please don't think that I'll get distracted or can't cope with it."

Fabian fidgeted some more, his anger subsiding. He started to wish he could crawl through his computer and go straight to Switzerland. "What do you want to know? I've been with Charles for over three years, I'm on anti-depressants, I haven't told my parents I'm gay, I miss my big brother, and I don't know what I want to do with my life. Typical life of a nearly-twenty-one-year-old, right?"

Sebastian's heart ached as he listened to Fabian's words. How much pain had he been carrying with him for so long? Sebastian had let him down. "What are you on anti-depressants for?" he asked tentatively, wanting to know but not wanting Fabian to talk about anything that he was uncomfortable sharing.

"A fantastic combination of depression and anxiety," Fabian replied dryly. "I've been taking them since the start of the year. Honestly, they help. I feel like I'm getting back to a normal level of misery and worrying. I still have bad days and good days, but I'm having more good days than bad days. Some days I think everything is going to be great in the end, and other days I just want to die."

Sebastian bit his lip, tears springing in his eyes. He kept quiet, remembering Hanna's guidance to do more listening than talking.

"Don't cry, you'll start me off," Fabian said, wiping his eyes on the sleeve of his hoodie. "I'm not going to kill myself, Seb. I've never tried to. I've never self-harmed. The anxiety is the worst part for me. But I'm getting better; I'm making progress. I switched to a plant-based diet over the summer and I've taken up yoga."

"Oh wow," Sebastian said through his tears. "No more meat? What does Dad think to that?"

"He thinks it's stupid," Fabian replied, wiping away more tears with his sleeve. "He says men were designed to eat meat. He stops listening when I try to explain why he's wrong. Mum's a bit more open-minded. I cook most of my own meals now but sometimes we cook together, and then she'll cook Dad some chicken separately or something to stop him complaining."

"And is it helping?"

"Yes, I think so. Apart from all the physical benefits to a plant-based diet, I think I'm happier now that I'm not fuelling myself on dead animals. I'm happy with my choices."

"Does anyone know about your mental health?" Sebastian asked, hoping Fabian would say he hadn't been keeping that to himself as well.

"Yeah, my parents both know," Fabian replied. "Dad caught me having a panic attack, and honestly, he was great. Mum tends to panic too, which is understandable, but doesn't help. And I've talked to Stefanie a lot; she's been a great help. You know she struggled a lot with anxiety after she was pregnant the first time. She helped me figure out what's normal or not."

There was a long pause again and Fabian flinched as Sebastian broke down in tears. He ripped his headphones off - the sound of Sebastian's ragged breathing was too clear and tore straight through him like a knife. Dropping his headphones onto the desk, the sound was a lot more muffled but Fabian could still hear his brother's crying and he hated it. 

Fabian jumped up out of his chair and left the room, coming back with a kitchen roll he used to wipe away the tea spill. The drink had cooled down now to a level where it was almost drinkable without scalding him. Peering at the screen on his computer, Fabian saw that Sebastian had regained his composure. Fabian put his headphones back on and reached for his tea. "I'm sorry I left. I had to mop up the drink I spilt, and I'm not very good at seeing people get upset over me."

"I've been a terrible brother to you."

"Shut up, Seb," Fabian warned, his voice cracking slightly as his own tears threatened to overwhelm him. "I don't have the strength to feed your ego. It's hard enough just trying to keep myself together right now. I've spent the last two days convinced you hate me; you can't just call me now and expect me to tell you you're a great person. It's not fair, and I won't do it. You're my brother, and I love you, okay? But I _can't_ deal with your pain right now."

"Sorry," Sebastian mumbled. He rubbed furiously at his eyes and took a slow breath, forcing himself to calm down. More listening. "What do you want or need from me? What can I do for you?"

"I want to see you more," Fabian replied, reaching for his tea. "I know everyone is always busy, but you're only a three hour drive away. I want to spend actual time with you, in person, and I want to see more of my nieces. Hanna's been so great, she sends me photos and videos all the time, but I want to see them in person, not just over a screen. They're growing up so fast, and you have another baby on the way."

"You know you're always welcome here."

"But that's too vague," Fabian protested. "It might be true, but something always comes up. I want an actual date to come down. Something concrete I can put in the calendar."

"Why don't you come down for your birthday?"

"I can't. My birthday is the 10th of December and I'm heading down to Monaco from the 8th to the 12th."

"What are you doing between the 12th and Christmas? You could come down then."

"I'd like that," Fabian said, smiling for the first time that evening. 

"I'd like that too. I'll add it to the calendar. I'll ask Hanna to look at some vegan recipes."

"You do not deserve that woman," Fabian laughed, finally starting to relax. "You should look at some vegan recipes yourself."

"I can only cook pasta," Sebastian protested, although Fabian was right about him not deserving a woman as great as Hanna in his life. 

"You can make vegan pasta," Fabian pointed out, rolling his eyes. He hesitated for a moment before continuing. "I'm glad we're talking like this. I'm glad you don't hate me. I've only ever wanted you to be proud of me."

"I am proud of you, Fabian."

"Really? Even after I kept all this stuff from you?" Fabian's eyes widened, and he held his breath until Sebastian responded.

"Yes," Sebastian replied and relief washed over Fabian. "I'm your big brother. I'm supposed to protect you from all the bad things in the world and I'm supposed to help you when you need it. But by the sounds of things, you're doing okay without me. Maybe you don't need me after-"

"I need you."

"-all. I will always be here for you, Fabian. Even if you think I'm not. You are so important to me and I will always make time for you, okay? You can call me any time of the day or night, and I will try my best for you." Sebastian started to relax as well; he should have made this call six months ago. 

Fabian nodded, closing his eyes as Sebastian's words burned into his mind. He was deserving of love; he was deserving of Sebastian's attention. He sipped the last of his tea and put the empty mug back on the desk. "I want to talk about Charles."

"I'm listening," Sebastian said, unsure of how their feelings were after the rollercoaster of the evening. "Three years, right?"

"Yeah, in August," Fabian said. "I know I cannot expect you and him to be best friends. I know I cannot expect you to be happy brother-in-laws. And I know it's a big ask, but I want you to just carry on treating him the way you have been all year. I don't want you to be a dick to him just because now you know he's dating me. I don't want to be the cause of a rift between you. I don't know how much you want to hear about our relationship?"

"You can tell me," Sebastian said softly. "Does he make you happy?"

"So much," Fabian replied, smiling again. "We met in Spain in 2016. Well, I met Arthur first in the support paddock and we became friends. We were both so annoying back then. Arthur was like 'my brother is going to be GP3 champion this year, he's the best racing driver ever' and I was like 'calm down, it is only Round 1, and _my_ brother already has four F1 championships so he's the best racing driver ever.' Honestly, we were annoying. Everyone is annoying when they're 16, right? Anyway, Arthur and I kept in touch and he invited me down to Monaco in the August, and that's when Charles and I got together."

"So all this time when you've been talking about visiting your friends in Nice, really you've been with Charles?" Sebastian asked, his tone curious rather than accusatory. He was trying to piece together in his head how Fabian had kept his relationship secret for so long.

"Yes. And Arthur, because we're still friends," Fabian explained, "but mostly I go there to see Charles. Sometimes he comes up here and we stay in a hotel in Frankfurt. Lufthansa should have a loyalty status just for me. Charles and I have talked about me moving to Monaco, but I don't think I'm ready for that yet. With him travelling so much with work, I feel like I'd just be stuck on my own, and I don't want that. My support network is still up here, you know? In Germany I have family, and in Monaco, I just have Charles and Arthur. It's not the same."

"It sounds like it must have been hard for you," Sebastian offered. "Charles has been through a lot this past couple of years."

Fabian nodded. "The hardest part about keeping it quiet is not being able to ask for help," he explained. "I would have loved to have some advice when Charles's Father died on how to help him. Who could I ask though? Who can I say 'my boyfriend's Dad just died, what do I do?' to? It's difficult. But our relationship is strong. Even though we are apart so much, we are strong. And it just makes the times we are together even better. We support each other so much, and I'm really glad I can talk about it with you now. The way you found out sucks; it shouldn't have happened like that. But now you know, so we can talk about it."

"Do you have any pictures you can send me? Of the two of you together? This is still quite a shock for me. I'm trying my best, but it's hard to imagine the two of you together."

"That's because you've never seen us in the same room together," Fabian pointed out. "Even when I've been visiting you at a race or at testing or whatever, Charles has kept his distance. I can send you some photos."

"I'd like that, thank you," Sebastian said, offering a smile. "Your face lights up when you talk about him."

Fabian rolled his eyes. "Don't start being nice to me now, Seb," he joked. 

"No, I mean it," Sebastian insisted. "I'm happy for you, Fab. You sound like you've been going through a really rough time of it lately, and I'm glad you have someone like Charles to support you through it. Charles is a nice guy."

"Not a bastard like you screamed about him on the radio?" Fabian teased.

"Oh, he's definitely a bastard too," Sebastian laughed. "Maybe I'd like him a lot more if he were half a second slower."

Fabian laughed too. "Play nicely with him. He's just like you - ever since he was small, he dreamed of driving the red car. Now he's doing it, he doesn't want to fuck it up. Can I tell him you don't hate him?"

"Of course, and I'll tell him that too," Sebastian promised. "We're in Maranello later in the week so I'll see him then. Do you want to come out to Abu Dhabi?"

"No thank you. I want you and Charles to be free to focus on the last race of the season, and I'd rather not be arrested," Fabian shrugged. "I think I'll be okay here in Germany. Let's definitely talk though while you're out there. I miss our stupid conversations."

"Me too," Sebastian replied, kicking himself for not remembering that homosexuality is illegal in the UAE. "I'll leave you to get some sleep now. I love you, and I'm sorry."

"You don't have to be sorry for loving me."

"You know that's not what I meant," Sebastian replied, frowning a little bit. "Seriously, Fabian, I just... yeah. I do care."

"I know," Fabian replied, leaning closer to the computer. "I love you too. Sorry for keeping things from you." He trailed off for a moment, frowning before finally relaxing. "I'll speak to you soon." He reached for his mouse and clicked the big red button to end the call, sighing heavily and leaning back in his chair.

In Switzerland, Sebastian closed his eyes and let his phone drop into his lap. Part of him wanted to get in his car right then and drive the three hours up to Heppenheim, but he knew that wasn't practical because he'd get there at two o'clock in the morning and his Mother would be annoyed at him for waking everyone up. 

Sebastian grabbed his phone and made his way upstairs to the bedroom. He placed his phone on the bedside table, then stripped to his boxers and discarded his clothes in the laundry basket before climbing into bed and cuddling up against Hanna.

"How did it go?" she asked gently. "Did you make things right?"

"I think so," Sebastian replied. "I hope so. Fuck, when did he grow up? It seems like only yesterday he was fourteen and beside himself with excitement about becoming an uncle."

"Our daughter is nearly _six_," Hanna pointed out, cuddling her arm around her baby bump. "Life happens fast."

"Yeah, tell me about it," Sebastian agreed, reaching for his vibrating phone which showed a new text message from Fabian. Swiping to unlock his phone, Sebastian saw the message contained nothing but two photos. The first was of a big golden retriever dog on the beach, with Fabian knelt on one side of the dog and Charles knelt on the other. They both had their mouths open and their tongues sticking out, copying the dog's happy, panting expression. The second photo was a selfie Fabian had taken on a balcony overlooking the river in the middle of Frankfurt; Fabian was looking straight at the camera, his blue eyes wide and his brown hair messy. Charles was standing next to him, his head resting on Fabian's shoulder. His hair was equally as messy and as Sebastian looked the photo more, he saw that it was actually a video. Charles smiled at the camera before turning his head and kissing Fabian's cheek. Fabian smiled and as he closed his eyes, the video ended. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, I'd love to know what you think and if you have ideas for what might happen in the future for these characters.
> 
> In the next chapter, Sebastian and Charles are going to meet up in Maranello...


	3. "I don't want you to play happy families with me."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sebastian and Charles spend a few days in Maranello and Charles cannot cope with Sebastian being nice to him.

Charles closed his eyes and leant against the wall of the elevator, the hand rail digging awkwardly into his hips. It had been a long day in Maranello - meetings, work on the simulator, and a large team dinner to finish it all off. It was nearly eleven o'clock now and all he wanted to do was go to sleep.

The meetings had gone well; everyone had talked openly about the events in Brazil and nobody placed particular blame on either Sebastian or on Charles for what had happened. They'd both talked about how they'd learned from it and how it was rare to be wheel to wheel with your team mate. Charles had been sure that the same contact would have had happened if he'd been wheel to wheel with any other driver, and Sebastian had felt that Charles had given him enough room. With hindsight, they both would have done things differently.

The work on the sim had not gone so well. Charles had been hooked up to electrodes so some of his engineers could monitor his personal telemetry while others looked after the car, and Charles's engineers could tell that he was stressed. He was struggling to concentrate on driving, and he was frustrated at himself for doing so. Sometimes driving felt like the only thing at which he was any good.

The elevator beeped loudly as they approached the third floor and the last engineer stepped out, wishing Charles and Sebastian a good evening and leaving them alone in the lift as it continued up to where their rooms were.

Wordlessly, the two of them stepped out of the lift, Sebastian letting Charles go first, and headed along the corridor. They reached Sebastian's room first and he pulled his key out of his pocket. "Well, good night, Charles. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Aren't we going to talk?"

"Do you want to?" Sebastian offered, pushing open the door to his room. "You can come in. Or, we can go somewhere else if you'd feel more comfortable?" He didn't want to invite Charles into his territory if it didn't make Charles feel safe.

"You've been nothing but nice to me this week and I can't stand it," Charles said, following Sebastian into his room. "We have to talk about what happened at the airport in Brazil. I can't just pretend like it didn't happen."

"I know," Sebastian said gently, turning the lights on. "I talked to Fabian and I told him I would talk to you as well. I was just waiting for the right time, that's all."

"When is there going to be a right time?" Charles asked, frowning. He followed Sebastian over to the sofa in the room but declined the invitation to sit down next to him. He was too agitated. "There's never going to be a right time to talk about your team-mate dating your brother."

"You're right," Sebastian agreed. "So what do you want to talk about? You said you can't stand me being nice to you."

"I don't mean to sound ungrateful," Charles clarified. "I do want you to be nice to me. You've been so kind to me all year, you've really made me feel welcome in the team. But the way you reacted in Brazil, I feel like it's changed everything between us. I want to know what you really think about me and Fabian."

"Like I said to Fabian, I'm happy for the two of you," Sebastian replied, shrugging. "The way he talks about you, it seems like you really make him happy, so that makes me happy because I want good things about him."

"But what does that mean for _our_ relationship?" Charles asked, waving his hand between himself and Sebastian. "We can't just pretend anymore like I'm not dating Fabian."

"I don't know what you want from me, Charles," Sebastian said, frustrated. "Why does it have to change anything between us? You're a team-mate to me. That hasn't changed just because I know you're dating my brother now."

"That's not what I'm asking."

"What are you asking for then?" Sebastian sighed. "I can't suddenly be your best friend now. I can't treat you like a brother-in-law, if that's what you want. I can't play happy families with you."

"I don't want you to play happy families with me!" Charles snapped, pacing up and down. "You don't get it, do you? I want what you have." His pacing continued and the words streamed out of his mouth; he didn't know what he wanted to say but he'd been bottling everything up and now the cork had been released and everything just fell out. "You have it all, Seb, and I guess I'm jealous of you! You have a marriage and a family. You have the world championships. And you don't have to lie about who you are every day. You can just walk around wherever with your partner and it's not some sort of dirty secret." 

Tears formed in his eyes but Charles couldn't stop himself, his words stuttering, punctuated with sobs. "You have the privilege to choose to have a private life. And you can just go to Heppenheim whenever you want. You can go and see Fabian at his home whenever you want. You can go and see your _Dad_ whenever you want. Oh my fucking God." Charles stopped pacing and fell against the side of the sofa, covering his face in his hands and crying hard.

Sebastian immediately stood up from the sofa, going to Charles's side and wrapping his arms around him. "Hey, come here."

"No, leave me alone!" Charles cried, pushing Sebastian away and launching himself away from the sofa. He tried to head for the door but sank down to his knees, dragging his hands through his hair as his whole body shook.

"Charles, please," Sebastian moved again and knelt down next to Charles, pulling him into a cuddle and this time Charles didn't fight him away. "I can't be your best friend but that doesn't mean I don't care when you're upset. I'd be nice to you anyway, whether you're dating Fabian or not."

"I miss him," Charles cried and suddenly it was clear to him why he'd been distracted on the simulator all day. "I miss all of them, but I miss _him_ the most."

"I know," Sebastian said sympathetically, rubbing Charles's back. "It must really hurt carrying this around with you all the time."

Charles mumbled something incoherent and squeezed Sebastian tightly, fisting the back of his shirt and burying his face against Sebastian's shoulder as he cried more. Eventually the wave of grief subsided and was replaced with relief; all he'd wanted from Sebastian was an acknowledgement that they were more than just team-mates and Sebastian had given it to him. 

Sebastian held Charles close and rubbed his back, murmuring to him gently in German. He knew it didn't matter to Charles what he said, but he tried his best to sound reassuring nevertheless. He loosened his grip only when Charles loosened his and pulled away.

"You have a wet shoulder now," Charles said, tucking his knees to his chest and peering over them at his feet, unable to meet Sebastian's gaze. There were so many things he wanted to say but Sebastian wasn't the right person to say them to. 

"It'll dry." Sebastian pushed himself to his feet and grabbed a tissue from the hotel bathroom, coming back and kneeling down in front of Charles. He folded up the tissue and wiped Charles's tear-stained cheeks before handing him the tissue in case he needed it again.

Charles closed his eyes and squeezed the crumpled tissue in his fist. He craved intimacy but knew it wasn't something he'd be able to get often from Sebastian. Sebastian had to concentrate on beating Charles and he couldn't do that if he was constantly pitying him.

"It's been a long year, hmm?"

"Just a bit," Charles replied, his voice shaky. 

"You know, you have some things I'm jealous about too," Sebastian said, gazing at Charles and realising just how young he was; only a year older than Fabian and it felt like Fabian was only days older than being a child.

"Oh yeah?" Charles scoffed. "Like what?"

"Like not having to deal with a younger, faster team-mate," Sebastian said. "And living near the sea. And being a short walk from your Mother. And people not telling you you're getting slower now you're over thirty."

Charles smiled sadly. "Tell me what it's like in Heppenheim. Tell me how your parents reacted when you took Hanna home for the first time. Fabian said he's going to tell his parents about us. I hope I'll be able to visit then."

"They have a big house, there will be plenty of places to hide," Sebastian said, reaching for Charles's hand and guiding him up to the sofa. "The first time I took Hanna to meet them, Dad wore a suit."

"A suit?" Charles asked, his face breaking into a smile.

"Yeah, an actual suit," Sebastian replied, laughing. He'd always enjoyed laughing with Charles. The way his face screwed up was sweet and Sebastian could see why Fabian liked him. "Hanna's family, they're fancier than the Vettels. They always say, if you find someone better than you, you should marry them... I guess my Dad wanted to make a good impression."

"He sounds crazy," Charles said. "I hope I can meet him one day. What do you think he'd think of me?"

"I think he'll find it difficult," Sebastian replied honestly. "You've spent the year making one of his sons really happy, but on the other hand, when I spoke to him the other day... let's just say he doesn't think the contact in Brazil was _my_ fault."

Charles reached out and placed his hand on Sebastian's arm, squeezing it and looking up to meet his gaze. "Thank you, Seb," he said quietly, squeezing Sebastian again before pulling away. "I know this has been a rough year for everybody, but it's nearly over. And I know we have to carry on being team-mates and not friends, but... thank you. Thank you for being kind to me, and thank you for being supportive of Fabian. It really means a lot to me. And I know we won't ever spend lots of time together outside of work, but I hope... I hope one day I can see you and Fabian at the same time."

"I'd like that," Sebastian replied. "He showed me a couple of pictures of the two of you. There was one with a dog on a beach."

"Yeah, that's my Mother's dog," Charles replied, remembering the day fondly. Fabian and the dog had both ended up in the sea. "I'd show you more but I don't have any on my phone. I'm trying to be careful. If my phone ever got lost, or hacked, of course there's the conversation history with Fabian but it doesn't even have his name on it. And I did that to protect you just as much as to protect me and Fabian."

"Thank you. Fabian said he's going down to Monaco for his birthday. Do you have plans? It's his twenty-first."

"No plans yet," Charles replied. "It depends on what he wants to do. I think we'll either have dinner on a boat, or if he wants to, we can go and stay somewhere up in the mountains. But if he's not feeling well, we'll just have a quiet night in my apartment."

"Has he given you any idea of what he wants as a present? I've been struggling for ideas," Sebastian said, scratching his neck.

"Honestly I think he just wants time and attention," Charles replied. "The best present you could give him is quality time with just the two of you." He stifled a yawn and fidgeted on the sofa.

"Do you want to go to bed? It's getting pretty late."

"I should," Charles replied, standing up. Sebastian stood up too and followed Charles to the door. Charles turned around at the last moment and launched himself at Sebastian, throwing his arms around Sebastian's shoulders and pulling him close. "Thank you," he said again before pulling away. "I know when I leave we'll go back to being team-mates, but I needed tonight, I needed this. Thank you for being kind to me. I think Fabian comes from a good family."

Charles flashed Sebastian one last smile before heading out the door, gently pulling it shut behind him. He went down the corridor to his own room and collapsed onto his bed, pulling out his phone and calling his Mother. "Hi! Sorry, did I wake you? I know it's late... no, nothing's wrong, I just wanted to hear your voice, that's all... "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really need to see the Abu Dhabi GP now to know what will happen next with this!


	4. "I know what gay means"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fabian comes out to his parents.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little warning - this chapter starts out with a dozen paragraphs about Fabian having a panic attack. If that's something you'd rather avoid reading about, do a find for "Fabian stirred, waking up slowly" and start reading from there.

Fabian always knew when he was going to have a bad day because he'd wake up from a nightmare about twenty minutes before his alarm was due to go off. Too early to be awake, but too late to go back to sleep. Last night's nightmare had been about Charles's apartment block in Monaco collapsing. 

Fabian's chest had been tight all day with anxiety and nothing had helped - yoga hadn't helped, going to the gym hadn't helped, taking the dog for a walk hadn't helped, playing on his computer hadn't helped. He'd felt like the weight of the world was sitting on his chest; like something had reached inside and coiled around his heart and started to squeeze - not enough to kill him, but enough to keep him uncomfortable. His stomach was in knots as well and none of his usual calming techniques had worked.

It was four o'clock in the afternoon when his panic attack finally hit him. Fabian was lying on his bed, headphones on, listening to a podcast when his heart skipped a beat and his body was flooded with adrenalin. Fight or flight, with nothing to fight and nowhere to go. He rolled onto his stomach and pushed himself up onto his hands and knees, rocking slightly and hoping that the panic would fade quickly.

His breathing was rapid and despite how much he tried to breathe, he couldn't get any air into his lungs. They were already full. Despite how much Fabian knew that panic attacks weren't dangerous and that nobody in history had ever died from panicking to death, the cruel thing about anxiety is that it lies to you and Fabian was convinced he might be the first person to die from a panic attack. His parents would come upstairs later in the evening and find his body, and the doctors would say he scared himself to death.

Fabian shuffled to the edge of the bed, fisting the edge of his blanket in an attempt to try to cling to something in the real world and not in his mind. He was in his bedroom. It was the afternoon. He was safe. Except he wasn't, because clearly if he were safe, there'd be nothing to panic about. He wanted to cry but no tears came. His mouth was dry like sand and it felt like his lungs had moved up into his throat. His fingers were numb and tingly at the same time and as he peered around at his room, desperate to see something real, he felt like the room shrank right in front of him.

"Dad!" Fabian cried weakly, his voice barely more than a whisper. He had to find help; he didn't want to die alone in his bedroom. Fabian relaxed his grip on his blankets and pushed himself to his feet. Relieved that he didn't immediately collapse to the floor, he made his way tentatively to his door and opened it. The corridor outside was dark but Fabian could hear the sound of the TV downstairs.

Fabian dragged his hand along the wall for support as he made his way over to the top of the stairs. He knew he had to get down them if he wanted to find his Father, but they looked so big and so steep and Fabian didn't know if he had the energy left; all the resources in his body were being diverted to trying to breathe, there was nothing left for optional activities like walking around. _Stay still. Protect yourself._

Fabian also didn't want to hurt himself by falling down the stairs if he failed to walk down them successfully. He'd tripped down them enough times already as a child. He clung to the bannister and carefully sat down on the top step before shuffling down to sit on the next step. It was safer than walking but lifting his weight up off each step made his shoulders burn and his neck tense and that only made his breathing harder.

Admitting defeat, Fabian curled to the side and gripped the railings in both his hands, resting his forehead between the two posts. The wood was cold and smelt like home. Fabian screwed his eyes shut, trying to concentrate. Dying on the stairs was no better than dying in his bedroom. He opened his eyes and looked through the railings to the floor below. The door to the lounge was ajar and the TV wasn't excessively loud. If he shouted loud enough, his Father might be able to hear him.

By now his lips were tingling and his face felt numb. The cruel part was he knew that he'd start breathing normally if he passed out. If he fainted, his unconscious brain would take over and return his breathing and heart rate to normal. But there was a fight going on his brain - he had to stay awake; he had to deal with the threat. Except there was no threat and Fabian was tired of fighting.

"_Dad_!" Fabian's cry stole the last of his energy and he slumped against the bannister, his hands falling into his lap. The next few minutes were mostly a blur to him. He remembered his Father coming up the stairs, he remembered being guided down to the sofa in the living room, and he remembered pleading with his Father to not let him die. He remembered his Mother telling him it was okay to sleep, and he remembered sinking back into the sofa, the hot breath and cold nose of the dog in his lap.

.

Fabian stirred, waking up slowly. He was still on the sofa, and he was relieved to find that his breathing had slowed down again. He kept his eyes closed and breathed through his nose; he could smell the burning logs in the fireplace and a feeling of safety washed over him. Fidgeting slightly, Fabian realised that the dog had been replaced with a blanket. He pulled it up his chest and finally opened his eyes. On the coffee table in front of him was a big glass of water - Fabian reached for it and drank almost the entire glass in one go.

Sinking back into the sofa, Fabian rest his heavy head on the back of it and gazed across at his parents who were both sitting on the sofa. Norbert was engrossed in a TV show about restoring a classic car, and Heikke was reading facebook on her phone. "I'm sorry if I scared you guys."

"It's okay," Norbert replied, turning down the volume on the TV. "How are you feeling now?"

"Better," Fabian replied, snuggling more under the blanket. "Worn out though."

"Yeah, you haven't had one that big for a while now," Norbert replied, concern in his voice. "Have you been more stressed recently?"

Fabian nodded. "This past week especially."

"Would you like some tea?" Heikke offered. "I got some more of that peppermint stuff you like."

"Mm, yes please," Fabian replied, smiling. "Thank you."

Norbert watched his wife leave the warmth of the lounge and head for the kitchen, and he turned back to Fabian. "Do you want to talk about it? I might be an old man, but maybe I can help."

"I'm gay," Fabian replied, startling himself with his own words. His eyes widened and he sat upright, the blanket falling away. Frowning, he tried to work out if he'd actually said those words aloud or if he'd just imagined it. "I mean... um..."

"I know what 'gay' means," Norbert replied lovingly. "I'm not _that_ old. Should we wait for your Mother to get back before talking about this?"

"You're not mad at me?" Fabian asked, pulling the blanket back up, both for protection as well as warmth. 

"Should I be?"

"I don't know."

The two of them sat in silence until Heikke returned. She offered the hot mug out to Fabian and after he'd taken it from her, she reached down and smoothed out Fabian's hair. "It'll help warm you up."

Fabian closed his eyes and inhaled the minty vapour from the tea, taking a small sip and wincing when it burned his tongue. He'd never learn to let drinks cool down properly. Opening his eyes, he looked back at his Father, not sure what to say to continue the conversation.

Heikke wasn't oblivious to the tension in the room. "What's going on?"

Norbert shrugged and looked at Fabian. "I don't want to tell your story for you."

Fabian took another inhale of the tea and held the mug down in his lap, forcing himself to look at his parents. He wanted to see their reaction. He wanted them to still love him. "I'm gay," he said quietly. "And I didn't plan on telling you guys today, but it just happened and I'm really scared that you're going to hate me."

"Oh, Fabian, we would never hate you," Heikke said softly, moving to sit on the sofa next to her son. She reached out and squeezed his shoulder lovingly. "For sure it's a surprise, but it doesn't change how much we still love you."

Fabian curled towards his Mother's touch, careful not to spill his tea. "I have a boyfriend."

"Does he live in Nice?" Heikke asked. "I'll be honest, we always assumed you had a girlfriend down there. I know with the internet and things these days you can have friends all over the world, but you only ever go to Nice and you always seem excited about it."

"Technically he lives in Monaco," Fabian mumbled, taking a sip of his tea and placing the mug on the coffee table.

"Monaco?" Norbert checked. "Sounds fancy."

Fabian smirked. "I guess." He squirmed a little and rubbed his hands together. "My boyfriend is Charles Leclerc. And before you say anything, I know how bad it sounds, and I know how much you hate him, but we started dating when he was doing GP3 and I didn't _know_ he was going to end up being Seb's team-mate and I don't want to get Seb in trouble or cause trouble for him-"

Fabian was cut off by Heikke pulling him into a tight hug. "We don't hate Charles, sweetie. We only complain about him because he's Seb's team-mate. We've complained about all his team-mates. We're supposed to be biased."

Fabian hugged his Mother back, hiding his face against her shoulder. He was still too tired to cry, but he appreciated her honesty and her kindness and maybe she did have a point; maybe Seb's parents were supposed to be biased against his team-mate. Fabian sank down into the sofa more as Norbert moved to sit on his other side and Fabian let go of his Mother, getting comfortable in between both his parents and holding one of their hands each. "Thank you both for being supportive."

"We try," Norbert said. "I'm still a bit surprised though. You know, when you have children, you have an idea in your head of how things will turn out, and I should have learned from the other three that it doesn't always work that way. When I became a Father, I had an idea of what I wanted to say in big important life moments like this."

"Me too," Heikke laughed. "I had a speech prepared for your sisters about what to watch out for in men and how to avoid getting pregnant until you really want it."

"I had similar with Sebastian," Norbert admitted. "About how to treat a woman and be a good husband. But he doesn't listen to me. He doesn't need to hear what I have to say."

"I want to hear it," Fabian said, squeezing both their hands. "I want to hear it all. Maybe not the getting pregnant part, but I want to hear everything else."

\---

Late at night in Abu Dhabi, Charles had just had it to his hotel room at the track. He kicked off his shoes, pulled his hoodie off over his head, and launched himself at the giant hotel bed. Spreading out like a starfish, he groaned and relaxed into the mattress. Stupid flight delay. Charles thrashed around on the blankets until he was lying on his back and he fished his phone out of his pocket.

"Just got to the hotel. Wish you were here. Call me when you can xx"

Seconds later, Charles's phone lit up and he smiled, swiping across the screen to answer the video call. Fabian was lying on his bed too, his arm curled around the pillow that was propping up his head. He looked sleepy.

"Did I wake you up, Fab?" Charles asked, moving to mirror Fabian's position so he could pretend like they were in bed together and not 6,000 kilometres apart. "You look worn out."

"It's been a _long_ day."

"Tell me about it?" Charles asked, wanting to hear every detail. "I've done nothing but airports and planes today. My mind is so numb from sleeping and staring at screens. Tell me something interesting? Exciting, even! Did you do anything _exciting_ today?"

"I had a massive panic attack and I came out to my parents."

"Wait, what?" Charles asked, sitting up with his phone. "Are you okay? What happened?!"

"I was in a bad mood all day," Fabian explained. "And then I had a massive panic attack in the afternoon. It was awful; I think I passed out."

"Was anyone with you?" Charles asked quickly, hating that he couldn't be there to support Fabian and hating that Fabian might have had to deal with being terrified all by himself.

"Yeah, I was at home. I found Dad and he helped me. And then I had a nap because I was so exhausted. When I woke up, he asked me how I was feeling and I blurted out that I'm gay. It just felt like the right time to do it, you know? Now that Seb knows about it all, they can know too. I'm so tired of keeping everything bottled up and now I don't have to."

Charles traced his fingers over the screen of his phone. "I wish I could have been there with you."

"Me too," Fabian replied. "But it's done now, right? They took it a lot better than I thought they would."

"Did you tell them about us?"

"Mhmm," Fabian mumbled, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes before curling his arm back around the pillow. "They said they assumed I had a girlfriend in Nice, so they were pretty surprised when it turned out to be a boyfriend in Monaco. But they're okay with it. They said you can come up whenever you want."

"Really?" Charles's eyes lit up. All he wanted to do was go to Heppenheim and be with Fabian in his home. "I would love that so much. See your home and meet your dog and you can show me all the places in Heppenheim and we wouldn't have to stay in a hotel in Frankfurt; we could just curl up in your bed like we do at mine."

Fabian smiled warmly. "We'll find time to make it happen. You'll need a coat though. Your French Riviera ass might freeze to death up here."

"I'll wear everything I have in my suitcase."

"You've packed for a week in the desert!"

"Then I'll wear my suitcase as well!" Charles laughed, settling back down into the mattress. "Should I tell my family about us too? They're here in Abu Dhabi. They wanted to come and support me for the last race of the season."

"Oh yeah, are you going to get enough points to beat Max?"

"I don't know," Charles replied. "I think the gap is like eleven points or something. So technically it's do-able, but if I finish fourth then I won't have to go to the gala in Paris and I can spend more time with you instead. So if I don't finish third in the championship, I won't be disappointed. I should still finish in front of Seb. I'm 19 points ahead of him so he'd need to win or get second and fastest lap and I need to DNF, which... I don't want to DNF. But, yeah, should I tell my Mother and Lorenzo about us?"

"It's up to you. If they're as understanding as my parents were, then it should be okay I think."

"I'll tell them tomorrow," Charles replied. "The last two off-seasons have been really tough, especially since I lost my Father, so I want this one to be better. If I can be open with my family and you've been open with your family, then we've got nothing to hide anymore and we can spend more time together."

"I'd like that."

"Me too. I'll talk to them tomorrow and let you know what they say." Charles smiled again, a yawn escaping him. He screwed his eyes shut and sighed contentedly. "Maybe we can get you out to some more races next year."

"I don't know if that's a good idea," Fabian said, a tinge of sadness in his voice. "I'd still have to go as Seb's Brother and I don't know how much I'd enjoy not being able to hang out in your side of the garage."

"You're right," Charles admitted. "I'm getting ahead of myself. I know it's stupid. I just get jealous when I see all the other drivers with their partners in the back of the garage and then they show up on the TV and everyone's like 'wow look how attractive they are' but none of those women are as attractive as you."

Fabian rolled his eyes. "Shut up and go to sleep, my love. You're going to need lots of rest if you're going to have a good weekend."

"Don't tell me what to do," Charles protested, knowing his voice sounded whinier than he really felt. "Let's just stay on the call until I fall asleep. _Please_? I can pretend you're here with me and I'll sleep better."

"Okay. But I'm cutting you off the second you start snoring."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay finally on chapter four we get some actual interaction between Charles and Fabian. In the next chapter, Charles is going to come out to his family and then we'll see what happens.


	5. "December babies are the best babies"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Due to Sebastian's absence at the track, Charles has an incredibly busy day. He doesn't get to speak to Sebastian until bed time, but when he does, there is good news.

Charles locked the door to his hotel room and groaned, resting his forehead against it. It had been a long day. With Sebastian not yet in Abu Dhabi, Charles had been forced to be twice as interesting to the sponsors, the media, and the fans. He'd done the track walk without Sebastian. All the team had told him is that Sebastian would be there by Friday morning; he'd had a family emergency.

Charles had managed to send a text to Fabian asking if everything was okay, but he hadn't had a chance to read the response. When he finally got time alone and fished his phone out of his pocket, his phone was full of notifications. 

Swiping through his notifications as he stumbled over to the bed, Charles was really only interested in hearing from Fabian. He pulled up the conversation history and saw two messages that Fabian had sent him, the first being "It's all good! Call me when you can xx" and the last being "You must have been really busy today. Call me when you get a chance? But if you're too tired and just need to crash, that's okay too. I love you xx"

Charles tapped the video icon and sat down on the bed, close to the lamp so that he was well lit and Fabian would be able to see him in the otherwise dark hotel room. Charles frowned when his screen told him the call had been declined, and a few seconds later it changed to an incoming phone call from Fabian. Charles answered it and heard a car engine in the background. "Fabian?"

"Charles, I'm in the car!" Fabian replied, his voice bright. "I just left the hospital. I'm in Switzerland, on my way to Seb's house."

"The hospital?!" Charles felt instantly nauseous. "What happened? Is everyone okay?"

"Everyone's _fine_," Fabian replied, wanting to reassure Charles as quickly as possible. "Hanna had the baby. He wasn't supposed to be due until December, because you know December babies are the best babies, but it turns out he wanted to come early. A little boy!"

Charles's nausea faded and was soon replaced with joy. "That's so exciting. How are they doing?"

"They're doing great," Fabian beamed. "It was crazy though. Seb was on his way to the airport to fly out to Abu Dhabi when Hanna called him because she'd gone into labour. So they spent all night at the hospital and then the baby was born just before lunchtime today. Seb's going to take an overnight flight so he'll be in Abu Dhabi tomorrow morning. I hope he gets some sleep! My parents are already at Seb's house, they're helping look after the girls and all three of us are going to stay here for a little while and help Hanna."

"She must be exhausted," Charles said sympathetically. He couldn't imagine trying to deal with a five year old, a four year old, and a newborn, all while your husband is out of the country. "I'm sure she'll appreciate the help."

"Oh, for sure," Fabian said. "I think I'm on cleaning duty and 'keeping the four year old' distracted duty. Nothing I can't handle... I'm so happy for them. You should see him, Charles, he's the smallest, cutest little guy I've ever seen."

"Did they name him yet?" Charles fidgeted on the bed, wriggling out of his clothes and kicking them over the side before crawling under the covers. 

"Funny story," Fabian replied. "Hanna really liked the name Max but Seb said there was no way in hell he was having his son named after Verstappen. They didn't like my suggestion of calling him Fabian either. So I don't know what they're calling him yet."

Charles relaxed into the mattress, putting Fabian on speakerphone and placing the phone on his chest. He folded his arms under the pillow behind his head and closed his eyes. "You sound really happy."

"I am happy. My heart is feeling full today. Good things are happening, Charles. I bet today was crazy busy for you. Did you manage to speak to your family at all?"

"Yes, I just got back from a late dinner with them," Charles said. "Well, I say 'dinner', I really mean 'room service in Lorenzo's room.' We all sat around and had Italian food and talked more openly than we've had a chance to since the summer."

"Did you tell them about us?"

"Yes," Charles replied, pointing his toes to the bottom of the bed and stretching. He yawned and then settled. "I told them I'm gay and they said they already knew. Apparently my Father had figured it out and told them a few years ago, but they kept it quiet because they didn't want to mention it until I felt comfortable. But we talked about it and we talked about what we want in the future. They just want to see me happy, apparently, and they trust me to do the right thing. I feel so incredibly lucky to have their support, you know? After everything we've been through as a family, it's just brought us closer."

"That's really good to hear. I'm glad they're okay with it. So I'm thinking that I'll stay here in Switzerland until Seb gets back, and then I'll fly straight down to Nice after that. What do you think?"

"That sounds like a good plan," Charles said, stifling another yawn. "Do they do flights from Zurich to Nice?"

"Yeah, there's two direct flights a day, one in the morning and one in the evening. Do you think your Mum and Lorenzo would want to meet me?"

"Of course," Charles smiled. "Lorenzo said he's got this whole 'big brother' speech planned out, questioning you about your intentions with me and warning you not to break my heart."

"Should I be scared?" Fabian asked nervously. "My intentions with you are honourable, sire," he said, trying his best English accent because he was sure Charles was named after an English King. "I promise only the finest things for you... as soon as I get a paying job," he added, his accent slipping through his laughter.

"I love you," Charles said, rolling onto his stomach and holding the phone back against his near. "Are you nearly there?"

"I've got about twenty minutes left."

"Okay. I want to stay on the phone with you all night, but it's really tired and I should get some sleep." Charles closed his eyes and yawned again, unable to stifle it this time. "But we'll talk again tomorrow, yeah? I can call you while I get ready in the morning."

"Of course. You sound exhausted. Get some rest. I'll speak to you tomorrow. Sleep well."

"You too. Love you," Charles said, ending the call. He rolled over onto his side and plugged the charging cable into his phone, checking his alarm was set before turning off the lamp and curling up. He soon fell into a deep sleep, feeling more optimistic about the future than he had in weeks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't mean to wish away time but I could really do with seeing qualifying / the race before I write the next chapter of this, otherwise it will just be a 100 word drabble where Charles tells Sebastian he's happy for him and Sebastian is like "lol thx." And then after that we can start pulling on everyone's heart strings again.


	6. "What a year, huh?"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A short little chapter with a couple of scenes from Abu Dhabi.

Charles bimbled out of his driver room to the canteen in Abu Dhabi; he'd arranged to meet his Mother and Lorenzo for lunch. He'd managed to change out of his race suit between sessions and was back in a pair of shorts and his Ferrari polo shirt. When he got into the canteen he went straight to the counter and collected his personalised lunch - while everything else looked delicious, Charles was left with something containing lots of carbs and protein.

Charles spotted Pascale first, her long grey hair framing her face. Charles flashed her a smile and made his way over to the table, sitting down next to Lorenzo. He tensed when he saw that the last empty place at the table was taken by Norbert Vettel. "Hi. Where's Seb?"

"I'm sure he's around somewhere," Norbert replied warmly. "He's a busy man."

"We were just talking about Norbert's newest grandchild," Pascale explained. "It's exciting! I was wondering when I'm going to get some grandchildren of my own."

"Don't look at me!" Lorenzo laughed, holding both his hands up. "I don't even have a girlfriend!"

"I'm too busy," Charles added, not sure if he should say anything about Fabian or not. Everyone at the table knew about his relationship now, but he still wasn't comfortable being open about it after keeping it quiet for so long. "I wouldn't even have time for a pet. I don't know how Seb does it, honestly. His wife must be the most patient person ever."

"She's had a lot of practice of him being away," Norbert replied. "At least she's not on her own right now. My wife and Fabian are there helping her. I know she'd rather have Sebastian there though. Maybe we could cancel the race and all go home instead?"

"That sounds like a great idea," Charles said, offering Norbert a smile. Though he didn't want to talk about Fabian, he desperately wanted to make a good impression and have Norbert think he was a good man. 

.

Charles had just about enough time to send Fabian a short text after lunch before he had to go to more meetings. "I had lunch with your Father. I didn't die. xx"

\---

Sebastian knocked on the door to Charles's driver room. It was after the race on Sunday and the paddock with buzzing with everyone packing up to go home for Christmas after the longest season in years. 

Charles opened the door a few seconds later, still dressed in his Ferrari shirt and jeans. He smiled widely at Sebastian, reaching up and shoving his messy hair out of his face. "Hi. Are you leaving now?"

Sebastian nodded and pulled Charles into a tight cuddle, sliding his arms around Charles's shoulders. "What a year, huh?" he laughed, squeezing Charles and letting the cuddle linger a little longer than normal before letting him go. "What are your plans? Fabian's coming to visit you, right?"

Charles nodded, feeling relaxed in Sebastian's presence for the first time since before Brazil. Now that the season was over and there were no more points left to fight for, there was no reason that they couldn't be friendly and have a relaxed conversation with each other. "Yeah, I'm flying home tomorrow and then Fabian is going to fly down on Tuesday. He's been so excited to be in Switzerland this week. Do you think I'll get to meet your family one day?"

"Probably," Sebastian replied, smirking. "I don't know if I'll invite you over to my house for Christmas, but I can imagine a time where you'll meet Hanna and the kids. Maybe when we're up in Germany."

"I'd really like that," Charles admitted. "Fabian adores all of them."

Sebastian nodded slowly. "I'm actually flying back to Switzerland tonight. That's why I came to say goodbye to you." He stood up straighter and reached out to shake Charles's hand. "Have a good Christmas, don't mess with my little brother, and I'll hopefully see you soon."

Charles took Sebastian's hand in both of his and shook it. "You too, Seb. I hope you get a good rest."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter is going to be grim.


	7. "I missed you too"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fabian arrives in Monaco.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So originally I was thinking that something terrible would happen to force Charles to go to Switzerland to see Fabian instead, but after the terror of updating my Max/Lando fic this morning, I wanted to write something happier. So, good news, Fabian had made it to Monaco without anything bad happening! :D

Charles checked his phone for the fifteenth time that hour, looking at the live map of where Fabian was. His flight had landed on time and Fabian had got the train from Nice to Monaco, and he had almost finished the walk from the train station to Charles's apartment. Charles had wanted to go to the airport and meet Fabian at arrivals but Fabian was determined to do the transfer on his own, leaving Charles to make lunch and not have them be caught cuddling in public.

Charles finished plating the salad and scattered some pumpkin seeds on top. His fridge was full of vegan food; he'd decided to try not eating any meat for the duration of Fabian's visit and he'd spent his free time over the last few races of the season researching plant-based recipes, even asking Lewis about his veganism and whether it helped him with his performance and recovery.

Fabian's avatar on the map appeared almost on top of Charles's apartment and Charles closed his phone, tossing it onto the kitchen worktop before going to check his appearance in the mirror. He was wearing a pair of black skinny jeans and a baggy black hoodie; Fabian's favourite outfit. He'd made some effort with his hair and he hadn't shaved, remembering how much Fabian hated the scratchy feel of the first day after a shave.

The doorbell rang and Charles rushed over, ripping the door open, his heart swelling when he saw Fabian in front of him. Fabian was wearing ripped blue jeans, a hoodie Charles had bought him over the summer, and his coat from Switzerland. "I'm fucking boiling!" he laughed, dragging his suitcase into the apartment.

Charles closed the door and Fabian had barely gotten one arm out of the sleeve of his coat before Charles launched himself at him, reaching his arms under Fabian's and forcing Fabian up onto tip toes as they cuddled tight. "I missed you so much," Charles breathed against Fabian's hair, breathing him in. It was only the second time they'd seen each other since the summer break.

"I missed you too," Fabian replied, "but let me get out of these clothes before I overheat and _die_!" He pulled away from Charles and shrugged his coat off, hanging it up on the rack. He did the same with his hoodie and he tugged at the front of his t-shirt, trying to generate a breeze against his skin. "That's better."

Charles threw himself at Fabian again, lifting him up off the floor this time. Fabian wrapped his legs around Charles's hips and Charles carried him through to the living room, carefully dropping him down onto the sofa before crawling on top of him. "I missed you so much."

"You already said that," Fabian teased, reaching his hands up through Charles's hair and pulling him down for a kiss. "I'm so glad I'm here. Just you and me again. No crying babies, no fighting toddlers, no mediating between Hanna and her in-laws, just you and me."

Charles laughed and settled his head on Fabian's chest, still cuddling him as close as he could. "You weren't having fun in Switzerland?"

"Oh, no, it was a lot of fun," Fabian quickly clarified. "But, it's not Monaco. It's not _you_."

Charles smiled contentedly and closed his eyes, relaxing in Fabian's arms. This was his favourite place in the world apart from the cockpit of his racing car, and Fabian's arms were a lot softer than his seat belts. He laughed when he heard (and felt) Fabian's stomach rumble. "Are you hungry?"

"Like a bear," Fabian replied. 

"I thought you were vegan?" Charles teased, lifting his head to meet Fabian's gaze.

"I said I'm hungry like a bear, not I'm so hungry I could _eat_ a bear," Fabian protested, shoving Charles away. "Please tell me you have food."

"I have a lot of food," Charles replied, clambering off the sofa. "Stay here."

Fabian sat up straight on the sofa and did as he was told, remaining still for the thirty seconds it took Charles to go into the kitchen and grab the two bowls of salad. His mouth watered as he smelt the creamy avocado and he accepted the bowl and fork willingly, stabbing lettuce leaves into his mouth. 

Charles sat down on the sofa next to Fabian, his longer legs stretched out onto the coffee table. He hate his lunch a bit more delicately, careful not to splatter the juicy tomatoes all over himself. "We can do anything you want this afternoon. The weather is fine so we can take a drive up into the mountains, or go out on a boat, or something else?"

"I don't want to move from here," Fabian admitted. "I want to stay here all afternoon and I don't want there to be a single second when I'm not physically touching you." He stretched his legs out across the sofa, wiggling his toes against the side of Charles's hip. "Can we do that?"

"We can do that," Charles replied, reaching down and squeezing Fabian's foot. A comfortable silence blanketed the two of them and as Charles finished his salad, placing his empty bowl on the coffee table, he turned to the side and found Fabian peering across at him, barely able to contain his smile. 


	8. "You used to be obsessed with cars"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charles and Fabian spend the night at Daniel's apartment, eating pizza, drinking beer, and chatting shit.

“Holy shitballs! That’s amazing.” Daniel laughed, taking another sip of his beer. “And he was right behind you the whole time?”

“Yep,” Charles replied, screwing up his face. He was standing in Daniel’s kitchen, resting against the worktop with one hand on Fabian’s thigh where Fabian had jumped up to sit next to him. “It was so awful, Daniel. He just came and sat next to me in the booth and he didn’t say a single thing. We both knew he knew but he didn’t say anything, and then Fabian phoned at him and he just _stared_ at me for the whole phone call.”

“I wish I had been there,” Daniel admitted, jumping up to sit on the worktop opposite to Charles and Fabian. “I can imagine how pissed he looked.”

“I felt terrible,” Charles said, unable to stop himself smiling. “I felt so bad for Seb as well. He must have had the worst day. Crashing out of the race by hitting his team-mate, and then finding out his team-mate is fucking his little brother.”

“You’re lucky he didn’t find out earlier in the day,” Fabian said, reaching one arm around Charles’s shoulders while he cuddled his beer bottle in his lap. “He probably would have crashed into you before you even left the garage for the race.”

The doorbell rang and Daniel slid off his worktop, setting his bottle of beer down before giggling to himself as he left the kitchen to take the delivery of the stack of pizzas they’d ordered. 

The three of them sat sprawled across the sofas in Daniel’s living room for most of the night where they drank beer, ate cheese-free pizza, and chatted about the year that they’d all had. Daniel was upset that he’d miss Fabian’s birthday by flying back to Australia; he was gutted to miss the opportunity to get Sebastian Vettel’s Little Brother completely hammered on his 21st. 

Charles was the first one to fall asleep. He laid down with his head in Fabian’s lap and his feet dangling over the side of the sofa and snored lightly. He’d drifted off the second Fabian had started combing his fingers through his hair.

Daniel smiled at the two of them as he quietly stacked the empty pizza boxes, carrying them out to the kitchen before coming back with a new bottle of beer for Fabian. “He looks really peaceful for once.”

“Does he not normally look like this?” 

“He normally frowns more in his sleep,” Daniel replied, sinking back down into the sofa. “He comes and sleeps in my room every now and then, when he’s stressed or lonely. He always sleeps curled up in a little ball with a frown on his face. But with you, look how relaxed he is. I’m so glad he has you in his life; I just wish I’d known about you guys sooner!”

Fabian traced his fingers down over Charles’s cheek before settling them back through his thick, brown hair. “Did you know he’s gay?”

“Nope,” Daniel replied, shaking his head. “I’d never heard him talk about guys, but I’d also never heard him talk about girls either. As long as I’ve known him, it’s just been cars, cars, cars.”

“You’ve known him since he was 10, right?”

Daniel nodded and sipped his beer. “The first time I met Charles was the same day I first met Jules. October 2007, at the track in Barcelona. Jules was just the nicest guy I’d ever met. And Charles was a scrawny little 10-year-old with a bowl of a haircut who barely spoke English. He’d just appear at the side of your car and babble away in French. ‘Monsieur Danielle, j’aime les voitures’. I don’t think he realised I couldn’t understand what he was saying.”

Fabian smiled warmly, wishing he’d met Charles a lot earlier in his life. “I guess everything was simpler back then?”

“For sure,” Daniel replied. “For one thing, we only had to travel around Europe to get to the races. But it was pretty cool watching Charles grow up. We’d go out drinking, me, Jules, Lorenzo, and Jev, and Charles would be so annoyed that he couldn’t come with us. I think he thinks he was born 10 years too late. Eventually he found friends his own age and as we all made it up through the formulas and travelled more, Charles got stuck into his karting and we didn’t see each other as much.

“And then Jules had his crash, and it just ripped through us all, you know?” Daniel trailed off, deep in thought as he sipped his beer again and imagined what life would be like if Jules was around to join them in beer and pizza. “Obviously I can never replace what Jules was in Charles’s life, but I’ve tried my best to step up and be there for him.” Daniel hesitated again and then cracked a smile. “I always thought I’d be giving him advice on girls, but it turns out he doesn’t need my advice at all.”

Charles stirred, fidgeting on the sofa. He lazily reached one hand up and rubbed his eyes, cuddling closer to Fabian. “What are you guys talking about?” he mumbled.

“You,” Fabian replied, smiling down at Charles. “Daniel was telling me about how long he’s known you. Apparently you used to be obsessed with cars.”

“Still am, aren’t I?” Charles replied, pushing himself up into a seated position and sleepily resting his head on Fabian’s shoulder, taking Fabian’s hand in both of his. “Did he tell you how annoying he was?”

“No?” Fabian glanced at Daniel and Daniel rolled his eyes.

“Bad hair, bad teeth, his best friends are all French and he doesn’t speak a word of the language except Bonjour, voulez-vous coucher avec moi?” Charles laughed, starting to wake up properly. 

“What more French do I need to know?” Daniel smirked. “Hello, do you want to go to bed with me?”

“Did it ever work?” Fabian asked curiously.

“No. Maybe it was my accent that was the problem,” Daniel suggested. “Or the fact that I never understood what their response meant.”

“It’s probably the accent,” Fabian teased. “It worked perfectly on me the one time Charles tried it. I’m trying to learn French. I don’t know if it’s going particularly well, but I can interact with people a little bit here now.”

“It’d get better if you moved here,” Daniel pointed out. “Best way to immerse your language is to bury yourself in the culture, right?”

“I think it’ll probably happen,” Fabian replied, feeling his heart swell as Charles squeezed his hand. “I just need to work out when. I need to work out what’s going on with my racing next year, and I need to work out if I’m going to get a job or if I’m going to try and go to university. I think I’ll move here though. I don’t know how well it’ll go if I try and convince Charles to move to Germany.”

“I’d consider it,” Charles said, squeezing Fabian’s hand again. “If that’s really what you want then of course I’ll see if there’s a way we can make it work.”

“It’s okay,” Fabian replied. “I know you belong between the mountains and the sea. You’d go crazy if you moved too far inland. It’s okay, though, I like it here too. I think we could be happy here.”

“That’s sorted then,” Daniel declared, downing the last of his beer and standing up. “You can move to Monaco and I can tease Seb every time I see him about how much I’m corrupting his little brother. We already took Charles to Vegas this year and destroyed him. Maybe next summer you’ll join us too and we can have a proper party.”

Daniel left the room before Fabian had a chance to protested and he came back with two pillows and a pile of blankets. He placed them on the sofa where he’d been sitting and then turned back to Charles and Fabian. “Your sofa still folds out into a bed. Here are some blankets and pillows. The first person to wake up tomorrow has to make breakfast. Good night.” He took a small bow and then left the room again, pulling the door closed behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story will probably end with Christmas.


	9. "My heart is so full"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A shortish chapter to bring a close to this story (but not their relationship, don't worry!)
> 
> Fabian is back in Heppenheim for Christmas. He misses Charles.

Fabian was standing in his garden in Heppenheim, his hands buried in the pocket of his hoodie. He had a beanie pulled low over his eyes and marvelled at the way he could see his breath in the cold, German air. It reminded him of his birthday; he and Charles had flown by helicopter up into the mountains and spent the day skiing.

Fabian was glad to be back in Germany for Christmas but his heart ached for Monaco. Spending nearly three straight weeks there was long enough to almost get into a routine, to imagine what it would be like to live their permanently. Fabian enjoyed the simplicity of it all. He enjoyed walking to the market, picking out fresh vegetables and going back to Charles’s apartment to cook and do housework. 

It was Christmas Eve now and all Fabian wanted for Christmas was Charles. He’d tried convincing Charles to fly up to join them, but Charles had made some excuse about needing to be with his own family. Fabian had spent much of the day feeling anxious, but now it was dark and the day was over, and he’d spent an hour that afternoon cuddling and napping with Sebastian and Hanna’s month-old baby boy.

Standing in the garden, Fabian closed his eyes, trying to ground himself. He felt the cold breeze on his face; he could smell his Mother’s cooking, and he could hear the squealing of Sebastian’s two daughters as they struggled to share their new Frozen-themed Christmas presents. It was almost time to go in for dinner, but Fabian didn’t want to just yet. He wanted a few more minutes to himself; a few more minutes of peace and quiet.

“Fabian!”

Fabian snapped back to reality and turned around to face his Mother; she was standing in the doorway wearing a pair of oven gloves, looking flustered. “What’s up?”

“There’s someone at the door. Can you come and deal with it? I’m flat out in here.”

“Can I tell them to fuck off?” Fabian laughed, following his Mother into the house. He didn’t want to speak to anyone apart from his closest family. He made his way through the house and out to the porch, pulling the door open and gasping.

“Hi.” Charles smiled up at Fabian, trying not to look as cold as he felt. He was standing on the porch with a small suitcase at his side, wearing his skiing jacket and a beanie that matched Fabian’s. When Fabian didn’t moved, Charles laughed, wobbling his suitcase. “Aren’t you going to invite me in? It’s fucking freezing out here!”

Fabian rushed out of the house and threw his arms around Charles, almost knocking him over in the impact. He squeezed him tight and mashed his face against Charles’s cheek. “What- how-”

“Your parents invited me,” Charles explained, kissing Fabian’s forehead. “Seb phoned me. He told me you’re unbearable since you got back from Monaco. I checked with my family and they said they’d be okay. I’m taking you back to Monaco for New Year’s Eve, so we can see them then. Until then, I’m all yours.”

Fabian pulled away, tears in his eyes. The aching in his heart was replaced with joy - joy that his family had accepted Charles with open arms, joy that they’d organised a nice surprise for him, and joy that he was reunited with Charles once more. 

“Now, come _on_,” Charles said, grabbing his suitcase. “Get me inside this house of yours before I freeze to death!”

Fabian ushered Charles inside the house and closed the front door, hugging Charles again and rubbing cold nose against Charles’s. He kissed him and finally pulled away, hearing his Mother’s calls to get everyone through to the dining room for dinner.

Fabian helped Charles out of his coat and hung it up on the rack next to his own and he gently took Charles’s hand, lacing their fingers together. “How hungry are you?” he asked.

“So hungry,” Charles replied, squeezing Fabian’s hand as the two of them headed towards the dining room. An extra place had been set at the table for Charles and after lots of warm greetings and “nice to meet you”s, they settled down for dinner. 

Later that night when all the food was gone, all the washing up was done, and everyone else had gone to bed, Fabian and Charles were left in the living room on their own, sitting on the floor in front of what was left of the fire. Charles was sitting on the floor, his feet close to the fire and Fabian was sitting between his legs, resting back against him.

Charles slipped his arms around Fabian’s waist and kissed the top of his head. “I’m glad I’m here,” he said quietly. “Your family are lovely.”

Fabian closed his eyes, relaxing into Charles’s embrace. “My heart is so full,” he replied, a small smile playing on his lips. “I want to spend every Christmas with you.”

“We will, I promise,” Charles said, squeezing Fabian and pulling him even closer. “I want that more than anything.” He relaxed his grip slightly, taking Fabian’s hands in his and gently caressing his fingers. “Maybe by next Christmas, there’ll be a ring on this finger. Would you like that?”

“I would,” Fabian whispered. “More than anything.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to wrap up this story but I'm going to keep on writing this ship. It'll just be a bit more sporadic, that's all. I hope you've enjoyed this. <3


End file.
